What are we to do?

Many thanks to Shilo for yet another beautiful work of art she calls, what else, but: "Heart of Wisdom"

I've been away for a while finding many loose ends to tie up after my mother's death; combing through old pictures, her things and many memories. Gaining new insights into the life of the woman who is my mother and gleaning the lessons from The Heart of Wisdom she taught me about being a good person, about giving back to my world, about sharing my gifts with confidence,and a generous spirit with all who come into my life.

And then there is the 2008 political experience...I find myself pondering our situation here in America with the election process. I don't ever remember one so polarizing as this one. The new element in it all, the one that everyone is talking about, it seems is the Republican VP Choice. You know the one I refer to: One Sarah Palin. Wow! She mostly represents just about everything I don't like in a woman. That she has accomplished things that many women only dream of is not where I have a problem. I have lived with women my whole adult life that have broken down barriers of every sort, so it isn't what she has accomplished but what she thinks she has to do or be to prove her strength etc. that most concerns me. Then I realized when I thought about it, that this is a time when contrasts and opposites have come to the fore. What we have is this strong message of change in our world and then we have a very strong expression of resistance to change. This is not unlike what goes on inside of me or you or anyone else.

I don't know about you, but here's how I experience change in my life: At first I become aware through discomfort that something in my life needs to shift because of what I am doing or how I am going about it that is not working. I might first try to find out what it is outside of myself that is causing this need for change, but in the end, after much resistance, I find that it is something within me that needs to change. There might be a lot of fighting it, but in the end, I have to surrender and admit that change needs to happen within.

There is this one stretch of road that I travel on along the beautiful Oregon coastline on my way to work that always brings insight, a big aha, inspiration and prayerful amazing-grace type moments. It's as if the Angels, God, The Holy Spirit, what ever you want to call The Great Mystery, that chooses this spot on the highway to inspire and teach me. Today as I was driving to work, wondering what "we are going to do about the election" and all this wrangling, that the answer hit me: K, Love is the only way around this. So, I found myself surrounding both sides, and all the "major players," hell, even the American public and myself with the love vibration. I drew a gigantic heart around it all!

See, if I'm on one side of the equation and feel my view is the right view and that yours, if it is different than mine is the wrong view and we keep holding on to our respective "maps of reality," pulling in opposite directions, we will never go forward together, we will just be in an endless tug of war. I don't believe I could ever recognize something outside of myself, unless I also was familiar with it from within. So, if I reject a mean spirited mocking tone of voice coming from Sarah Palin, if I hear exaggeration and hyperbole coming from her, it's because I have had an inner experience that is meaningful to me. It is that shadow side and unloved part of myself I find unacceptable that I want to project on something outside of myself that I don't want to own. If I truly want change in my outer world and want to see it happening for the better outside of me, I have to create it within. The only way it will happen is to love and embrace the wounded unloved fearful part within. When true change happens in my world, it won't be because some hero comes in to save the day. I know who I want to vote for and who I resonate with. For me, the Obama/Biden ticket represents the change I want to see in myself and in the world around me: the Yes We Can be more! The McCain/Palin ticket represents for me the part of myself in need of embracing and loving; the part that resists the change out of fear, or comfort with the status quo. Today I saw the purpose of two sides of the same coin and I know what I am going to do about it for myself. The perspective we each have will make all the difference in how we experience our world. I do have to follow what my mother taught me and do my part to share my gifts and the heart of the woman I am with the world around me. I count on all of you to join me. Change what you can and love the rest in the Heart of Wisdom!

Who knows where the time goes?

One of the things that my mother's recent passing has done for all of us in the family is to reconnect with the movement of time by way of going through old picture collections and seeing how we looked and how we changed through time. It is good to see that the little girl in the picture here seemed excited, animated, happy. I think I could say in looking backward, that's how I remember my life for the most part. My sister and I are putting together a slide show of images and music to help us remember our mother and our lives together. We have had a lot of laughing and some tears in the remembering. It's funny how you perceive reality now as compared to then. My growing awareness in noticing so many more details about the now moment is astounding compared to the past. Back then, "back in the day," no matter what day that was, I seemed so clueless about so much. In spite of that cluelessness, I do remember some wonderful things about my life that gave me the strength and courage to go forward in the pursuit of my dreams. What I do know by looking back is how important each now really is. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world. As I age, each moment seems so much more precious. I find myself really slowing down the rush and just savoring more. I find myself having a much freer calendar than I have in the past. I resist the world's attempt to rush me. When I stand in the bank line waiting my turn and the floor person tries to see if she can take my deposit so as to hurry me along to my next destination, thinking I would appreciate that, I decline and say:"I'm in no rush, I have all the time in the world today." I mean it too. What's the hurry really? There is no fast way to now. I find I want to appreciate just how my body feels now and that it is ok the way it is. Those days some 30 years ago when I thought I was so heavy and needed to lose weight... Wow! Was I ever clueless! Anyway, now is the moment I want to enjoy. Wonder what it will really turn out to be?

Home at last!

Mom left us quietly in the wee hours of the morning on August 10th. She was probably waiting until we were all tucked in our respective beds fast asleep, so she could at last have her own final rest. Moms are like that. I couldn't resist putting this picture of her up in tribute, as it has always been my favorite, and I'm sure, a form she would like to take if she ever comes visiting us from dream time. This is how I will remember her. I find myself gathering little embers of memories... things I treasure about my mother. I don't think I ever turned out to be the "girly-girl" mom really wanted. She used to love to comb my long hair when I was about 5 or 6 years old until one day I discovered a pair of scissors and decided to see how they worked on my own hair. I must have really took a chunk out right close to the scalp because then for quite a while, I had this little boy bob and my father would jokingly call me sonny, just to see my mother break out in tears. One Christmas time I remember she fixed a plate of Christmas cookies and she and I would lounge on her bed while she read me "Little Women."

Whenever she saw me, she would always ask: "How's that beautiful daughter of mine?" I don't ever remember going through that stage when I was a teenager of looking in the mirror thinking there was something missing. I'd always say approvingly to myself: "Well, you look OK..." There were many other ways that I was gifted by my mother, but I think it was the confidence she instilled in me that I really treasure. No matter what strange idea I might come up with and try out on her, she always said: "Sure, why not!" I know my other siblings will have their stories and memories and even though we had the same childhood, each experienced it from their perspective. I'm glad I have mine.

Towards the end of her life, she had a very rich fantasy life which seemed to include lots of great grandchildren. According to her, my nephew and his wife had about 69 children. Many of them were twins or triplets. She was sure they had to hire a bus to get everyone to church. Her favorite great-grand child, the one she spent the most time with, apparently, was little Mary Rose. Evidently the little one would help her out at dinner time and eat the food mom didn't like because she didn't want "Gam ma" to get in trouble for not eating her vegetables. I personally liked this world she lived in and used to talk often to her about different aspects of it. I thought: Why not? That's why we watch TV and go to the movies, isn't it, to enter into another world?

I'm looking forward to continuing the relationship, now that she is free to come and go, unencumbered by physicality.I have no doubt it will still include a few:" sure why nots" from the other side. So, another soul joins my cheering section. I wonder what we will all be creating together? I'm sure hearts will be involved.

Waiting at Heaven's Gate

Today mom was enrolled in hospice. Though she has been in a rest home for a number of years, she took a serious turn this past week and the Doctors said they don't expect to recover from a bleed into her brain and it would be risky, or at least not really improve things to do any surgery. I and my family are preparing for her crossing. My father, too, has been in decline, and though at the present time he seems to be in a bit of a rally, both he and my mother are probably going to "leave the planet" in the not so distant future. That's the thing, though: no one really knows when. It will probably be just a quiet slipping away for both of them. The last time I was with mom, she was in a coma so I didn't expect a response, but talked and sang to her, knowing she was following my every word and song. I wear a gold band on my finger that marks my religious commitment. This ring was made from a combination of gold from the rings both Mom and Dad gave each other when they married. Over time their rings have been replaced with new ones. Since I made my final vows on their wedding anniversary, the three of us share a special date in time, and a very special ring. It must have stirred something in her when I told her when I was with her this last time, that when ever I twirled the ring on my finger, I was thinking of them both and that it would be a special signal to her when she got to the other side that I was calling her. It gave a whole new meaning to the words: "I'll ring you up." Both my sister and I were with her. When we got ready to leave we said our goodbyes and I love yous, not knowing if it would be for the last time, and, she opened her eyes and said, "And, I love you!", then she took my sister's hand and kissed the back of it. That has always been my confirmation that we are in the presence of an angel!(so many times in my life when I have an odd encounter with someone who seems a bit out of place, and then their parting gesture to me is to kiss the back of my hand, I know it's a heavenly visitor I've just been with.)

We were both blown away, of course. And so we wait on heaven. No one really knows when she or my father will swing out on the great cosmic Smile of Divine love and move into another existence. They celebrate their 64th wedding anniversary on August 7th, tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see..........

There are Teachers coming near......

Maybe you have felt the shift inside, lately. I know I have. There are days of low energy where I feel like I've been put in a light trance-like state and some serious downloading of information comes streaming in. Nothing I could verbalize, just a knowing. The world looks a bit odd at times, like I am in another dimension, yet, not really....I feel like I have been attending mind blowing lectures in dream time, yet I can't remember a thing I heard and yet, I know I'm different because of it. I don't even know how to put it all into words but I observe it all around me. Some of you feel it too. It may feel like you are on overload and that your nerve endings are frayed, followed by feelings of peace, contentment and a rightness to your life, even, dare I say, floating in a state of Grace. It's crazy mixed up at times and life goes on as before. But, it's the little blue lights that dart around that most amaze me. I've had many times in the past when they were frequent visitors. I know it's not just me because others have reported the same thing. They are hesitant to mention it because it's so fast that you wonder if you just imagined it...but there they are again. When people around me get brave enough to bring it up and ask if I see them too, we are all relieved to realize it not "just me," but others are seeing them too. When they come near, I also get "thoughts" that come to me like: "dolphins are to ETs as dogs are to humans...." And I say: "Okay, where did that come from?" It's not like I was asking about dolphins, but, it is an intriguing thought. I say all this because maybe many of you out there are beginning to connect with something akin to teachers in the ethers giving you information or encouragement at the moment. Maybe you are feeling a bit out of sorts and weird and this may bother you. I believe we are entering into a time when we will be and are already growing new abilities that will be serving the greater good. One day we will be much more telepathic than we have ever been and it will be preparing us for relating to one another and to Gaia (Mother Earth) in multi-dimensional ways. It is all in line with realizing our oneness with her. You may already be finding yourself wanting to lay on the earth, or be close in some way or other to nature. It may feel like a deep longing. Go with it, answer the call, drop everything you are doing and answer that call. The teachers coming near are real and they are here to teach us all how very fond our Mother Gaia is of us. They will not let up, so we might as well accept this. What ever way the teachers come near, be it a book of wisdom, a movie or dinner conversation, or seeing the new way we handle an old "problem" with ease, this is now our time to shine, to experience our emerging magnificence. Even though the world around us appears to be "going to hell in a hand basket," things are definitely not what they seem. Thank God/Goddess for that!

Faithful companions-purple campenula...

When I first moved here to the coast, the confirmation that it was the right move for Sophia Center was discovering these little purple Campenula in a planter in front of the shop. At first they seemed somewhat timid, but came on strong after I kept complimenting them and touching them every time I walked by. At our very first location in the Historic Laundry Building at Marylhurst, this same variety of Campenula lined the narrow space in front of the building. In the summer, at least 10 people a day would stop to ask what kind of flower that was. This must have gone on for years before I came to establish my studio there because once I inherited the care of the old laundry building I would find little notes taped in every nook and cranny, written by the older sister that was the manager of the building before me. I think they were meant to be a reminder to her. Each one said: "The purple flowers out front are Campenula."

These little bell shaped flowers bloomed continuously, even during the winter! There was always one or two that bloomed as if to say: "we won't leave you, even in the winter, because we know how much you love us." There have been ground breaking studies "back in the day" to show that plants somehow know they are loved and thought well of and they seem to respond favorably to this attention. Some of you may remember an earlier post I did about my orchid. It gave me five or six big blossoms and hung around for about 3 months and then faded away. I thought I might have to wait another year or two for any more activity from this little soul, but, to my amazement. I discovered that where the old flower stalk ended and shriveled up is a new one shooting out with more buds getting ready to wow me! Maybe it wanted to encourage me as I get used to the fact that Toby is no longer physically present. Maybe little orchid thought I could use some creature company. Don't get me wrong, My sister and I are having a marvelous time spending time each day. I think it is the way that Mother Earth reaches out to us through the beings who are most in tuned with her energy.

The thing is, Mother Earth is changing. She is being re-configured by cosmic forces. And, she is not the only one. There is astounding new data, not covered by main stream media. that every planet in our solar system is going through a process of global warming! It has nothing to do with the burning of fossil fuels either. There is a fundamental change that is happening to our part of the cosmos, a birthing process. Consciousness is awakening in all of us. Our plant and animal kin are even more aware of it than we are and are preparing us to join in the great awakening our planet is experiencing. This is why, in the end, it is so important to tend to the environment and watch ourselves so we don't add to the difficulty of the change we and out planet must experience. Most of all it is our heart place and the quality of our thoughts and feelings that are so important to be directing and choosing carefully. It will be the difference between a hard or soft landing, I think. There are many out there that want to keep stirring up fear and negativity. However, this is an important transition time that requires many faithful lighthouses and anchors to help keep stability and hope and kindness moving us forward. It starts for all of us by first looking in the mirror and loving who we see, and then taking that feeling into each day and looking out at our world with this same positive recognition. Because, when we arrive where we are going as a transfigured species, we want to be able to recognize the faithful companions waiting for us to realize we have come to our "sweet spot." I'll bet for me, and I'm counting on it, that it will be something like those little purple Campenula that will be involved. What about you?

When Angels take their leave......

This seems to be a time for Angels, I guess. A special Angel who has been my companion for the last 5 and a half years took his leave this day about noon. I inherited him, a white with brindle patches, greyhound from my friend, Cindy, who preceded him by 5 years, as she crossed the rainbow bridge. When he first came into our household from the greyhound adoption program he carried a winning racer Name:" Nebraska Chief." He told us he wanted to be called Toby. He carried his name in a gentle way. Everyone who ever met him notice his regal beauty. He had an unusual diamond shaped mark on his third eye, that is called a "monks hood" and it is believed that a dog carrying that mark was touched by the hand of God. All of us who knew him, felt that way too. The many times I took him to the beach he was an ambassador of peace and welcome to all he met. He once pointed out a heart shaped shell fossil and so many times helped me find heart shaped rocks. It was only right that we two walked together looking for hearts. His very fir coat sported a heart shaped brindle patch, so his mission here on earth was to remind us all of the power of love in our lives and to lead lives where matters of the heart were first and foremost. What I liked most about Toby was his quiet presence, he never demanded attention but was content to be near by, keeping me company. One of the great things that he was for me was an exersize coach. Because of him, I walked each day and made time to get out and see the world around me as he did, sniffing the salt sea air and looking for something furry to chase. I loved that he stayed by my side when we walked. I never had to worry if he would run away when he walked or ran on the beach without a leash. When we would take our long walks up the beach he stayed just a pace behind me, "following his leader," like a good dog should. What an easy person he was to be with. During the 3 short years he was a racer he experienced many things that left him scarred and scared. I don't even want to think what it must have been like living in a cage during those years. When we adopted him he became a 45 mile an hour couch potato. I'm not sure if my couch will ever be the same without a greyhound on it. For the next three days, the gate to the yard will be left open in recognition of his newfound freedom. Run free, Dear Friend, you are free to chase any rabbit you like now and eat all the chicken strips you want. Thank you for coming near for a while.