Out in left field

My father loves telling me the story of the two old codgers who were having a discussion about weather they play baseball in heaven. Each agreed that if he died first, he would come and tell the other what he found out. Old John died first and three days after his passing he came to his friend, Dan in a dream. "Well, Danny Boy," he said, "I got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that they do have baseball in heaven, the bad news is you're starting pitcher this tuesday!"

My father loves baseball, so I asked him what position he wanted to play when he got over to the other side and he told me:" Oh, I guess I'd like to be out there in the left field." "Ok, then," I said, "I'll know where to be looking for you!"

And so it is, this day, about 3:20 a.m. he slipped on his ball mitt and joined the team for spring training as he slipped ever so quietly away in his sleep. May he rest in peace. This was a good time to leave the chaos of this world and all the problems we who are left behind are facing. He got to choose the seeds and plants that will go into the garden he loved so much this spring. His Eastering is sweet as he takes his place out there in left field to enjoy the game from another point of view. Dad, you will be missed.

Let's Draw a Heart around the World!

A very special Aquarian Alignment will take place this year on February 14th. According to Jude Currivan PhD who has been studying these things, at 7:25 a.m UT an auspicious alignment will occur. (follow the link to see the chart, if you are into astrology.)Remember, some 40 years ago that famous song from Hair was sung: "When the moon is in the seventh house and jupiter aligns with Mars etc." This is that time, with an even better positioning for change than when it occurred back in the 60's. Many who have been gathering in recent years to help create mass consciousness shifts have taken to seeing the earth as a giant prayer wheel as it spins on its axis. What this means is that we are now using the spin of the earth to cause a wave of change. So, just choosing 7:25 a.m. where ever you are on that day, will be part of the continuous wave of love intention that will surge around the earth, blessing all of us with a powerful moment of love and grace. What do you say? Anyone want to join me in drawing a heart around the world? See you there...

How the @#%* does this happen?

This is probably not what you expected to see upon my return to the Hearthtalks blog, but, it has been a mystery I have been pondering for quite some time. I thought I'd put it out there for the rest of you to offer insights about. It seems common, around computers and such and here's how it goes: After carefully organizing all the wires so they are not tangled and everything is connected to everything else, you know, the printer, phone/router, scanner, fax and on and on. Then, the moment my back is turned the wires somehow mysteriously tangle and become a snake pit! Is is all the energy that runs through these wires in the form of electricity and data that causes it? I know I could get tie downs and wrap everything in one stream of wires side by side, but, that has drawbacks if you want to move something. The whole "shooting match" has to move with it. My theory is that there are little gremlins that like to mess with me. Case in point...why this type font suddenly showed up! Even when I highlight what I have just typed and give it the command to match size and font style, as soon as I resume typing, it reverts. It didn't happen until my sister, who was struggling with all kinds of things on her computer, gave up and left. The gremlins that were messing with her decided to trouble me now. Such is cyberspace. Anyone else have these problems?

What are we to do?

Many thanks to Shilo for yet another beautiful work of art she calls, what else, but: "Heart of Wisdom"

I've been away for a while finding many loose ends to tie up after my mother's death; combing through old pictures, her things and many memories. Gaining new insights into the life of the woman who is my mother and gleaning the lessons from The Heart of Wisdom she taught me about being a good person, about giving back to my world, about sharing my gifts with confidence,and a generous spirit with all who come into my life.

And then there is the 2008 political experience...I find myself pondering our situation here in America with the election process. I don't ever remember one so polarizing as this one. The new element in it all, the one that everyone is talking about, it seems is the Republican VP Choice. You know the one I refer to: One Sarah Palin. Wow! She mostly represents just about everything I don't like in a woman. That she has accomplished things that many women only dream of is not where I have a problem. I have lived with women my whole adult life that have broken down barriers of every sort, so it isn't what she has accomplished but what she thinks she has to do or be to prove her strength etc. that most concerns me. Then I realized when I thought about it, that this is a time when contrasts and opposites have come to the fore. What we have is this strong message of change in our world and then we have a very strong expression of resistance to change. This is not unlike what goes on inside of me or you or anyone else.

I don't know about you, but here's how I experience change in my life: At first I become aware through discomfort that something in my life needs to shift because of what I am doing or how I am going about it that is not working. I might first try to find out what it is outside of myself that is causing this need for change, but in the end, after much resistance, I find that it is something within me that needs to change. There might be a lot of fighting it, but in the end, I have to surrender and admit that change needs to happen within.

There is this one stretch of road that I travel on along the beautiful Oregon coastline on my way to work that always brings insight, a big aha, inspiration and prayerful amazing-grace type moments. It's as if the Angels, God, The Holy Spirit, what ever you want to call The Great Mystery, that chooses this spot on the highway to inspire and teach me. Today as I was driving to work, wondering what "we are going to do about the election" and all this wrangling, that the answer hit me: K, Love is the only way around this. So, I found myself surrounding both sides, and all the "major players," hell, even the American public and myself with the love vibration. I drew a gigantic heart around it all!

See, if I'm on one side of the equation and feel my view is the right view and that yours, if it is different than mine is the wrong view and we keep holding on to our respective "maps of reality," pulling in opposite directions, we will never go forward together, we will just be in an endless tug of war. I don't believe I could ever recognize something outside of myself, unless I also was familiar with it from within. So, if I reject a mean spirited mocking tone of voice coming from Sarah Palin, if I hear exaggeration and hyperbole coming from her, it's because I have had an inner experience that is meaningful to me. It is that shadow side and unloved part of myself I find unacceptable that I want to project on something outside of myself that I don't want to own. If I truly want change in my outer world and want to see it happening for the better outside of me, I have to create it within. The only way it will happen is to love and embrace the wounded unloved fearful part within. When true change happens in my world, it won't be because some hero comes in to save the day. I know who I want to vote for and who I resonate with. For me, the Obama/Biden ticket represents the change I want to see in myself and in the world around me: the Yes We Can be more! The McCain/Palin ticket represents for me the part of myself in need of embracing and loving; the part that resists the change out of fear, or comfort with the status quo. Today I saw the purpose of two sides of the same coin and I know what I am going to do about it for myself. The perspective we each have will make all the difference in how we experience our world. I do have to follow what my mother taught me and do my part to share my gifts and the heart of the woman I am with the world around me. I count on all of you to join me. Change what you can and love the rest in the Heart of Wisdom!

Who knows where the time goes?

One of the things that my mother's recent passing has done for all of us in the family is to reconnect with the movement of time by way of going through old picture collections and seeing how we looked and how we changed through time. It is good to see that the little girl in the picture here seemed excited, animated, happy. I think I could say in looking backward, that's how I remember my life for the most part. My sister and I are putting together a slide show of images and music to help us remember our mother and our lives together. We have had a lot of laughing and some tears in the remembering. It's funny how you perceive reality now as compared to then. My growing awareness in noticing so many more details about the now moment is astounding compared to the past. Back then, "back in the day," no matter what day that was, I seemed so clueless about so much. In spite of that cluelessness, I do remember some wonderful things about my life that gave me the strength and courage to go forward in the pursuit of my dreams. What I do know by looking back is how important each now really is. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world. As I age, each moment seems so much more precious. I find myself really slowing down the rush and just savoring more. I find myself having a much freer calendar than I have in the past. I resist the world's attempt to rush me. When I stand in the bank line waiting my turn and the floor person tries to see if she can take my deposit so as to hurry me along to my next destination, thinking I would appreciate that, I decline and say:"I'm in no rush, I have all the time in the world today." I mean it too. What's the hurry really? There is no fast way to now. I find I want to appreciate just how my body feels now and that it is ok the way it is. Those days some 30 years ago when I thought I was so heavy and needed to lose weight... Wow! Was I ever clueless! Anyway, now is the moment I want to enjoy. Wonder what it will really turn out to be?

Home at last!

Mom left us quietly in the wee hours of the morning on August 10th. She was probably waiting until we were all tucked in our respective beds fast asleep, so she could at last have her own final rest. Moms are like that. I couldn't resist putting this picture of her up in tribute, as it has always been my favorite, and I'm sure, a form she would like to take if she ever comes visiting us from dream time. This is how I will remember her. I find myself gathering little embers of memories... things I treasure about my mother. I don't think I ever turned out to be the "girly-girl" mom really wanted. She used to love to comb my long hair when I was about 5 or 6 years old until one day I discovered a pair of scissors and decided to see how they worked on my own hair. I must have really took a chunk out right close to the scalp because then for quite a while, I had this little boy bob and my father would jokingly call me sonny, just to see my mother break out in tears. One Christmas time I remember she fixed a plate of Christmas cookies and she and I would lounge on her bed while she read me "Little Women."

Whenever she saw me, she would always ask: "How's that beautiful daughter of mine?" I don't ever remember going through that stage when I was a teenager of looking in the mirror thinking there was something missing. I'd always say approvingly to myself: "Well, you look OK..." There were many other ways that I was gifted by my mother, but I think it was the confidence she instilled in me that I really treasure. No matter what strange idea I might come up with and try out on her, she always said: "Sure, why not!" I know my other siblings will have their stories and memories and even though we had the same childhood, each experienced it from their perspective. I'm glad I have mine.

Towards the end of her life, she had a very rich fantasy life which seemed to include lots of great grandchildren. According to her, my nephew and his wife had about 69 children. Many of them were twins or triplets. She was sure they had to hire a bus to get everyone to church. Her favorite great-grand child, the one she spent the most time with, apparently, was little Mary Rose. Evidently the little one would help her out at dinner time and eat the food mom didn't like because she didn't want "Gam ma" to get in trouble for not eating her vegetables. I personally liked this world she lived in and used to talk often to her about different aspects of it. I thought: Why not? That's why we watch TV and go to the movies, isn't it, to enter into another world?

I'm looking forward to continuing the relationship, now that she is free to come and go, unencumbered by physicality.I have no doubt it will still include a few:" sure why nots" from the other side. So, another soul joins my cheering section. I wonder what we will all be creating together? I'm sure hearts will be involved.

Waiting at Heaven's Gate

Today mom was enrolled in hospice. Though she has been in a rest home for a number of years, she took a serious turn this past week and the Doctors said they don't expect to recover from a bleed into her brain and it would be risky, or at least not really improve things to do any surgery. I and my family are preparing for her crossing. My father, too, has been in decline, and though at the present time he seems to be in a bit of a rally, both he and my mother are probably going to "leave the planet" in the not so distant future. That's the thing, though: no one really knows when. It will probably be just a quiet slipping away for both of them. The last time I was with mom, she was in a coma so I didn't expect a response, but talked and sang to her, knowing she was following my every word and song. I wear a gold band on my finger that marks my religious commitment. This ring was made from a combination of gold from the rings both Mom and Dad gave each other when they married. Over time their rings have been replaced with new ones. Since I made my final vows on their wedding anniversary, the three of us share a special date in time, and a very special ring. It must have stirred something in her when I told her when I was with her this last time, that when ever I twirled the ring on my finger, I was thinking of them both and that it would be a special signal to her when she got to the other side that I was calling her. It gave a whole new meaning to the words: "I'll ring you up." Both my sister and I were with her. When we got ready to leave we said our goodbyes and I love yous, not knowing if it would be for the last time, and, she opened her eyes and said, "And, I love you!", then she took my sister's hand and kissed the back of it. That has always been my confirmation that we are in the presence of an angel!(so many times in my life when I have an odd encounter with someone who seems a bit out of place, and then their parting gesture to me is to kiss the back of my hand, I know it's a heavenly visitor I've just been with.)

We were both blown away, of course. And so we wait on heaven. No one really knows when she or my father will swing out on the great cosmic Smile of Divine love and move into another existence. They celebrate their 64th wedding anniversary on August 7th, tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see..........